Gratitude & Grief: Holding Them Together
Truly understanding gratitude can guide us through our grieving.
Don’t just count your blessings. Count your contributions too.”
— Dr. Adam Grant,
organizational psychologist
Psychologist Adam Grant’s research shows that people who focus on what they give, rather than only what they receive, tend to experience a deeper sense of purpose, stronger connections, and greater well-being.
He encourages people to keep what he calls a contribution journal: a daily or weekly practice of writing down how we’ve positively impacted others, whether through small acts of kindness, support, or presence. By reflecting on our contributions, gratitude becomes more than a feeling; it becomes an intentional practice. Dr. Grant’s research suggests that reflecting on giving strengthens identity as a “capable, caring contributor,” thereby increasing helping behavior.
It’s a conscious choice to see our effort, our presence, and the meaningful ways we affect the lives of those around us.
When I think about grief and the impossible task of living alongside it, I often return to Adam Grant’s words. Some days, it feels unbearable to focus on what’s been taken, on what we no longer have or receive. But what if, instead, we meditated on what we were able to contribute to that thing/person we lost? The contribution of our presence. A hug. A smile .Positive change. A joke that made someone laugh. Picking up or dropping off something. Encouragement. Empathy. Cooking a meal. Making someone proud through your hard-earned successes. Love, even if not expressed perfectly.
As the holidays approach, many of us feel the ache of absence more sharply, with traditions no longer looking the same. It’s natural to focus on what’s missing. But maybe this season, gratitude and grief can coexist: honoring blessings once received, while acknowledging the contributions we made toward those no longer here. Keeping a contribution journal, even in the midst of loss, can be a gentle way to remember that our care, our attention, and our acts of love continue to ripple forward. Let’s remember to be grateful for the opportunity to continue contributing (even if in a different capacity), living out a legacy.
Gratitude doesn’t ask us to deny grief. It invites us to hold them together. To let our giving, our remembering, and our caring become the bridge between what was and what still can be.
